Binge-watching Netflix — It’s strictly research, I swear.

Well, here we are living out all our old “if I only didn’t have to work” fantasies.  (Except maybe for the one where you get naked and belly flop into a pool of lime jello.)

So, in between taking naps and trying not to eat everything in the house, my husband and I have been binge-watching TV shows on Netflix. But unlike the rest of America we are doing it for a higher purpose — we’re both writers so we’re calling it “research”.

Yeah, I said what I said.

Right now we’re researching the hell out of “Supernatural” — already on Season 3. Woo-hoo! Great cast, great writing, and according to Dean in Season 2, Episode 18 — great craft services.

Also, sadly, we’re finishing up “The Magicians” later tonight. LOVE this show, especially Quentin, Eliot, and Margo the Destroyer. Maybe we can get a GoFundMe site started to finance another season (or 10) just to frigging bring back Quentin (and, by extension, one of the hottest ships on TV — Queliot!). C’mon, you guys — it’s a magical world. Anything can happen!

And, last but not least — “Lucifer.” He is my favorite drama queen. My husband and I are both loving Lucy’s character arc, but it’s hard waiting for the most recent season to make it onto Netflix. Ugh. I want it nooooooowwwww!

So, how dare we call what appears to be a hedonistic waste of time “research”? Hey, when you write everything is research.

Three week trips to exotic places just to get “local flavor” for your next book  ? Research.

Eavesdropping on people in public places (ah, the good old days) simply to hear authentic idiot conversations? Research.

Watching 72 hours of shoe fetish porn just to give one of your characters a “secret obsession”? Research.

Let me know what you’re binge-watching in the Comments.

Thanks for reading!

Hello? Is anybody out there?

Hi everyone.

Today as we sleepwalk through the “social distancing” nightmare that is our lives right now, I thought it would be good time to share some of my “emergency contacts” with y’all.

You know, those people you go to for advice, encouragement, and the perfect keto peanut butter cookie recipe…

Next stop — writing vlogs, because, duh – writer.

While there are many, many fine authors online right now, I highly recommend the following authortubers for any of your writing needs or questions.

These are the people (in alphabetical order) I check in with on a daily basis:

Abbie Emmons of #WritersLifeWednesdays

blog: https://bit.ly/2Kl21m8

facebook: https://bit.ly/2FS2Ikh

instagram: http://bit.ly/2Xr5hUI

patreon: https://www.patreon.com/abbieemmons

Sarra Cannon of Heart Breathings

BLOG — https://heartbreathings.com/blog

INSTAGRAM — https://www.instagram.com/heartbreath…

FACEBOOK — https://www.facebook.com/heartbreathings

TWITTER — https://www.twitter.com/heartbblog

Kristin Lamb (not on YouTube unfortunately)- blog http://www.authorkristinlamb.com

Jenna Moreci of Writing with Jenna

WEBSITE: http://jennamoreci.com

TWITTER: http://twitter.com/jennamoreci

INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/jennamoreci

TUMBLR: http://jennamoreci.tumblr.com

FACEBOOK: http://facebook.com/authorjennamoreci

PINTEREST: http://pinterest.com/jennamoreci

And finally, for editing advice (you know you need it), please check out Ellen Brock for Novel Writing Advice — it’s always good, and when she covers a complex topic she includes notes and timestamps so you can skip to the good stuff if you want.

Please note — NONE of the people listed here paid me or asked me to mention them. In fact, none of them even know me. These are simply the people who have helped me figure out so much when it comes to writing (and I’ve been to grad school for creative writing, sis!) that I felt like sharing them with you. 

And now, for the perfect keto peanut butter cookie recipe check out:

Joe Duff – The Diet Chef 

If you don’t know Joe, he likes to rock tank tops and fluffy slippers while he cooks.

My Cookbook: https://gumroad.com/l/bestketocookbook

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thejoeduff

If you have any favs you’d like to recommend, please tell me in the comments below!

Love and Gravity. Bitches be crazy. (Part 3)

For the past few weeks I’ve been comparing the nature and effects of love with those of another universal force – gravity.

Gravity represents classical physics here since it acts on the BIG stuff, like  planets, solar systems, stars, galaxies, clusters of galaxies, and even the universe.

Love, in this analogy, stands in for quantum mechanics — that branch of physics dealing with the motion and interactions of subatomic particles — you know, the small stuff. Or, the human stuff.

I know what you’re thinking — Why the hell did I click on this f!$%ing blog?!  Where’s the SMUT??

Patience, grasshopper.

Just like some of the early scientific theories humanity has come up with (spontaneous regeneration, the plum pudding model of the atom, and phrenology, anyone?), we have been getting it wrong for a long, long time.

Because instead of viewing love as the force of nature it is, people have decided that there are kinds of love (as if there were kinds of gravity, too). Furthermore, there’s the idea that some kinds of love are better than others, and that the folks who give into the undesirable kinds of love are weak, degenerate, or just plain WRONG.

Now imagine giving voice to the idea that some kinds of gravity are better than others, and that the people who give into the wrong kind of gravity are somehow bad and inferior? And yet, here we are in the bright and shining 21st goddamn century still judging people on the kind of gravity they allow themselves to give in to!

Ridiculous, right?

So let’s sum up.

Gravity is an indiscriminate force of nature. Depending on the situation — for example, someone falling off a building — it can get messy. Gravity does not give a rat’s ass about what religion, society, or the various governments think about it. It just is.

Love is also an indiscriminate force of nature. Depending on the situation — for example,  someone falls in love with another someone and they have sex — it can also get messy. (Unless you use a condom.) Love doesn’t give a rat’s ass (possibly the same rat’s ass) about what religion, society, or government thinks about it either. It just is.

So if you  if you ever find yourself agreeing with the nitwits who think everyone who falls into the wrong kind of love should be punished and marginalized (I’m looking at you, all 73 countries in the world who criminalize LGBTQ people), for something they had no control over, then be my guest.

But just don’t get too close to that ledge, sweetie. Because you never know when some perverse force of nature will have its way with you.

Love. Resistance is futile. (Part 2)

Last week I talked a bit about my thoughts on the nature of love. I’d been thinking about it because I’d somehow found myself writing a novel with a love story in it.  (If you write, you already know — these things just happen.)

So… Love.

Ok, it’s like a force of nature — like gravity — that only affects living beings.

Well, maybe.

Because what about quantum inseparability?  Is that just another form of love?  Like the raw, basic essence of it, the universal idea of love, sort of like Plato’s Ideal Forms? Is love intricately woven into the fabric of the universe? Of all universes?

And if so, what chance do we puny humans down here on Earth have? What chance do we have against such a powerful phenomenon? It’s like trying to fight against gravity. Sure, some people have done it (astronauts, astro- dogs, probably some astro-rats), but they’ve always  come back down  afterwards. Because … well, they can’t stay up there forever, right? Gravity is always tugging at them, dragging them back to Earth.

Continuing this idea that love, like gravity, is a force of nature, I say that love acts on us whether we want it to or not. (Kinda like the aforementioned gravity.) But unlike gravity, which is a huge, but weak, force in the universe, love is simultaneously huge and intimate. And unbelievably strong.

Love draws people together. It draws animals together (theories of biological determinism be damned), and it draws people and animals  together. And it may be what draws subatomic particles, atoms, molecules, planets, and galaxies together!

Let’s just agree on this for now: Gravity doesn’t discriminate and neither does love. Both do what they do with no regard for who they do it to.

Love is patient. Love is kind. (Wtf?) Part 1

A lot of people know that quote from Corinthians in the Bible. It’s a popular, and comfortable, way of looking at love. As such, it’s often recited at weddings where everyone smiles and nods. Every time I hear this definition of love it makes me think of a soft, cozy shawl.

However …

I’ve been working on my protagonist’s character profile this week, and it’s gotten me to thinking about love; because even though my novel is a sci-fi horror adventure in an urban setting, it’s also a love story.

Believe me, I was just as surprised as you are. I’ve never been interested in love stories, or romance (because, Duh, I mostly write horror. See my short story “Mercy Street” elsewhere on this blog), but there you are. This story wants to be told, and for some unknown reason, it’s picked me to tell it.

Consequently, I had to do some hard thinking on the subject of love. Like, what is it, where does it come from, and is there a cream available to get rid of it?

So the first thing that popped into my head is the idea that we have absolutely no control over love. It chooses you. You are love’s bitch. You don’t get to decide who to love, or when you’re going to fall in love, or where you’re going to be when it happens, or even when it will happen.

Love is basically a cosmic clown car careening around the corner just as you step off the curb. Wham!

In that regard, love remind me a lot of death. Or life.

At the same time, though, love often seems like a weapon wielded by some divine, hilarious prankster god, right? Because once love sets its sights on you it’s just like having one of those hellish Covenant plasma grenades attached to your body — no amount of running around and screaming will fix it. You are fucked.

That’s it for today.

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear your thoughts on love — please tell me in the comments down below. Thanks!

How I’m Going to Make 2020 My Bitch

I realize that making a public declaration like this is one of the stupidest things you can do. Everyone knows that as soon as you make a grand pronouncement like this you are essentially cursing yourself in a very public manner.  (This is probably why nearly every great undertaking starts off with very little fanfare. In secret. If it fails, who cares? Nobody, because no one knew about it.)

Well, where’s the fun in that?

I believe in the Accountability Model of Achievement (aka The Public Shaming Model)– the more people whom I tell, the more likely I am to actually do what I said I was going to do. Because if I don’t then everyone and their mother will be guaranteed to ask me “Whatever happened to that thing you said you were going to do…?” for the next freaking year. Or two.

So, the more people who are invested in something, the less likely I am to let it die a quiet, unnoticed death.

That’s the plan anyway.

So, here goes.

In 2020 I plan on finishing my novel (… that I initially started about 4 years ago in grad school. Don’t ask. I did actually, technically finish it, it just sucked so bad I couldn’t bear it. Hence, third draft’s the charm, eh?) and  publishing it.

I am working on getting the movie  I made a few years ago — Gameheads — broken up into bite-sized videos and put on YouTube as a serial.

I am revamping my old student blog into a new author blog. (You’re looking at it right now, babe.)

I am starting a podcast, which will be about writing plus whatever-the- hell-I-feel-like-talking-about.

I’m going to do more book reviews — both fiction and non-fiction — along with some movie and TV reviews.

As God is my witness, I am going to learn how to play the guitar even if it KILLS me!

And finally, I want to start attending some writing or sci-fi/fantasy  conventions as a guest again.

Whew! That’s enough for one year.

How about you? What are your plans for 2020? Don’t be afraid — just spit it out! Believe me, not only is it therapeutic, but the prospect of some good, old-fashioned public shaming might be just the kick in the ass you need to get things done.

New Short Story

Hi, everyone.

Please check out my horror short story, “Mercy Street.”  Mercy Street

(Cover art and design by Ryu Cope)

A word of warning, though: if “bad language” or  razor blades or blood or suicide freaks you out you probably should stay away.  

If that’s the case, here — enjoy this adorable face instead.

Writing: It’s not for the weak.

Welcome, fellow writing masochists!

I have a few questions for you.

  • Are you a pantser who frigging knows she needs to become a plotter if she’s ever going to get anything done in her actual lifetime?
  • Do you hate unreliable narrators in fiction because it reminds you too much of watching the news on TV?
  • Do you lie awake at 2 A.M. wondering if you should write your story in third person or first person or would fifth person be even better?
  • And then, two minutes later, do you wonder what “normal” people think about at 2 in the morning?
  • Are you worried about where to hide the body when you finally, FINALLY kill that fucking procrastinator who’s been living inside you all these years? (Not now? Don’t worry, we’ll figure out something later.)
  • Do you regularly shake your fist at the sky, cursing the malevolent God/god/goddess/gods who decided you should be a writer in this lifetime, and not a wealthy, spoiled heiress, or a talented and beautiful ex-boy-bander? (Yeah, He/She/They are not listening, sweetie, believe me.)
  • Do you want to come along as I crawl, scratched and bleeding, through the dizzying HELL of writing my first novel?

Yes? Awesome. You came to the right place.

I will be posting every week on Wednesday about writing in general, plus some of the crap I’m going through as I work on my first novel, tentatively titled The Terrible Strange.

If you like what you see here, please join me.

Thanks.

“The Black Cat,” “The Tell-Tale Heart,” and “The Cask of Amontillado,” by Edgar Allen Poe

I’ve loved Poe’s work ever since I was introduced to him as a kid. Bedtime reading has always been a thing for me, so you can imagine what happened the first time I read “The Pit and the Pendulum” before bed – parental shouting to “Go the hell to sleep!” followed by threats of what would happen if I didn’t go to sleep, followed by nightmares. Ah, childhood.

Needless to say, I had to have more. Some of that “more” included these tales which quickly became favorites. Re-reading them for this assignment made me realize something I’d never noticed before – they are all written from the killer’s perspective. Also, that “The Black Cat”  is basically a re-write of “The Tell-Tale Heart.”

Both of those two stories involve a nameless protagonist who is bopping along, being a normal human being until one day he develops a twitch – he becomes obsessively, bitterly irritated by something he’d previously professed to “love” – a cat, and an older man, who may, or may not  be, his father. In the cat’s case, the cat became too attached to him, practically tripping him by winding around the narrator’s legs. The old man never did anything to the protagonist, he just had a pale “vulture’s eye” that annoyed, and then infuriated, him.

We watch, helplessly, as he becomes more and more obsessed with the objects of his obsession until he finally, brutally kills them. The cat he leaves hanging in a tree – after having gouged one of its eyes out – oh, and the narrator’s wife gets killed too, then buried behind the wall. The old man gets dismembered, and then buried beneath the floor boards.

Both these tales of madness and murder are told by unreliable narrators who refuse to believe in their own madness. Could a madman describe horrors like these in such perfect detail? Could a madman exercise such monstrous patience, and cunning? Could a madman appear so cool and calm even after the police appear?

The short answer: Yes. Yes, he could.

Poe’s narrators go to great lengths to convince us they are not mad, they could never be mad, while the whole time they are very, very obviously mad.

The third story, “The Cask of Amontillado”

– even though it too is told from the perspective of the murderer – is different from these two stories for a number of reasons:

  • There is no obsession over some minor point, developing into a monomaniacal hatred over time (unless you count whatever “slights” Montresor has suffered, which I suppose we can)
  • The atmosphere of this story is light, even witty at times; it takes place during a carnival (and not during the Dark Ages, at night, which is how the other stories feel)
  • The killer’s motives are somewhat more apparent to both him, and us – he seeks revenge for some former slights at the hand of a social superior (the murderers in “The Black Cat” and “The Tell-Tale Heart” both insist there was “no reason” for their crimes, they just happened)
  • The narrator of this story appears to have gotten away with his crime! (unlike the other two killers who are so overcome with guilt they give themselves away just when the police arrive)

However, the ending is familiar in one important way – the murderer walls up his victim. Only here, the victim, poor Fortunato, is not dead when he ends up in the wall. He is still alive! Poe has been leading us from murder to murder to murder. Each one more awful than the last, until finally, he reveals his ultimate horror – it’s not getting accidentally killed like the wife in “The Black Cat”, and it’s not being deliberately killed and dismembered as in “The Tell-Tale Heart. For Poe the worst kind of death is a long, lingering one; where you’re trapped in a dark, forgotten place, and where no one can hear you scream.

And that’s why we’re still reading Poe more than a hundred and fifty years later.

Batman: The Killing Joke, by Alan Moore and Brian Bolland

A fantastic graphic novel, originally written in 1988, Batman: The Killing Joke is still being discussed by comic book fans. The most obvious reason, initially, is because of Bolland’s stunning, legendary art. That’s what draws you in – all those amazing pictures. Bolland’s Batman is truly the Dark Knight, while his Joker is deliriously, magnificently insane. Know how you can tell? Those perfect, yellow teeth.

Anyway, so you come for the art, but you stay for the story. Alan Moore is the guy who wrote The Watchmen, V for Vendetta, and From Hell – all extraordinary works that went on to become terrific films.

The Killing Joke is supposed to be a stand-alone story in the Bat-verse – not part of the accepted canon, but tolerated as an alternate nightmare coming from the minds of two masters. Here we see an origin story for the Joker where he’s just a regular guy with a wife, and a kid on the way, who gets led astray by his criminal pals. This Joker seems almost unbearably naïve – anyone can see those “friends” of his are up to no good. (Of course, it helps that all the early Joker bits are done in a kind of Forties-style black and white. Nothing says “mob” and “criminal” like guys in fedoras and cheesy moustaches.)

The Joker, appropriately enough, is a failed comic. But he used to be a lab assistant at a chemical plant, and that’s how he gets mixed up with the bad guys – they want to rob that plant – although I don’t think the reason why they want to do that is ever made clear. When it goes bad, the crooks run away, leaving their “friend” behind to get caught. Batman chases him; he falls into a vat of mysterious chemicals and eventually emerges as The Joker.

So Batman is there at The Joker’s beginning. You could say he was the cause of The Joker, because he never would have fallen into those chemicals if Batman hadn’t been chasing him. Maybe Batman feels a little responsible for the guy. Maybe The Joker blames him a little. Maybe a lot. In any case, in this story The Joker is trying to “Make a Point” – yes, he’s one of those psychos – by doing as much damage as he can think of to two people Batman holds dear – Commissioner Gordon and his daughter, Barbara. Things get pretty heinous. You could even say they get graphic.

And the point The Joker is trying to make here? That anyone, anyone can be driven insane if given enough incentive. It’s been his theme song all along, it seems. The excuse The Joker needs to believe, the rationale has been telling himself all these years – It’s not my fault I’m crazy.

Does he succeed? Does The Joker manage to ruin three good people just so he can finally feel good about himself?

As if. Read it and find out for yourself.

I’ve been reading comics for years. The best ones are amazing collaborations of art and literature, and Batman: The Killing Joke is one of the best.

The Friendly Editor

Advice from an Editor's Desk

Weirda Curiosities

Paranormal Tarot Magick

Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha

Musings and books from a grunty overthinker

Really Awful Movies

Horror, action and exploitation movies that aren't really awful at all.

One More Story

Tell your ghost story. Read some of mine.

Ryu Cope

WRITER/FILMMAKER/URBAN MISFIT

Kristen Lamb

Author, Blogger, Social Media Jedi